|
|
'What if I never find somebody?! Or what if I already found her
but dumped her because she pronounced it 'supposably'' -Chandler.
'Friends'
'I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is
concerned about the Lord's affairs- how he can please the Lord'
-1 Corinthians 7 v32
Much of our time and energy as Christians
is engaged in working out how to communicate Jesus to a culture
whose 'values' and ideals are so decidedly alien to our own. Wanting
to preach love, we are faced with using a language that taints and
twists love's good name. Innocence is consigned to the past. Even
past naivety is re-interpreted with cynicism. Songs and film espouse
romantic love, but balk at the idea that love means ever having
to say you're sorry (1). The Christian's determination to counter
this with gospel truth is a healthy pursuit and exactly what should
concern us in the twenty-first century. Any missionary will tell
you that becoming familiar with a foreign language, then learning
how to appropriately communicate the gospel in it is a long and
arduous task but ultimately satisfying above all.
However, as I consider the British
church today, it concerns me that in one area we are in danger of
being more camouflaged with the world than opposed to it: The area
of singleness.
When in discussion with colleagues about relationships, I've explained
that my desire to wait for a Christian marriage partner is so strong
that unless I meet the right guy who passionately loves the Lord,
I am happy to remain single for as long as it takes. Reaction to
this statement is always immediate: 'Oh, you'll marry!'- barked
in a don't-be-so-silly tone of voice. Which when you think about
it is sweet, but just not necessarily true.
Memo to the rest of Christendom: this too is how we react. Sweetly,
encouragingly, but often in error just the same. Picking and choosing
our way through biblical passages, we often end up bolstering worldly
myth rather than allowing ourselves to be confronted by the stark
truth of scripture. Once I heard someone speaking to students about
how God has the perfect person for every one of us. I cringed. Where
does he say that he has?! Funny how God can be made to say all sorts
of things that we are longing to hear. Helpfully, in his book 'The
Single Issue Al Hsu (IVP) shows this
theory up for the pagan myth that it is. It was Plato, not God,
who suggested that lovers are incomplete halves of a single puzzle,
searching for each other in order to become whole (2). We ARE whole
in Christ. Surely we know this? Yet the fact remains that marriage
for present day Christians is largely the norm: singleness is not.
Pursue singleness? Why would anybody do that? Monks do it, Nuns
do it, but ordinary people? Do they do it? Well biblically speaking…yes,
they do. And for very good reason. The apostle Paul even goes as
far as to say 'sometimes I wish everyone were single like me- a
simpler life in many ways!…I tell the unmarried and widows
that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has
been for me…'(3) .
When we think of it, most of us could
bring to mind men and women who have lived their whole lives as
single people - John Stott for example- who has flourished both
spiritually and professionally through it all. Often we come across
people who it occurs to us should not have married- not necessarily
those experiencing grave difficulties in their relationships, but
some who are thinking about pursuing lifelong ambitions which it
is obvious would be to the detriment of their committed partnership.
It is worth realising that so many of our relationship dreams and
fantasies in fact rely on what we would like, on what would very
particularly make us as individuals happy. Reality check here: When
you take those vows at the altar, it's no longer about just you.
So returning to my original point - where does that leave Christians'
attitudes to those who are single: whether it be others or ourselves?
Do we, without realising, buy into the 'Friends' theory of relationships
(He/ She's gotta be a model, everything I've ever dreamed of, and
with me now) or do we relax a bit and allow each other to be normal-
non conformists to the errors of cultural expectation? I know which
might seem more appealing on the surface (especially the 'with me
now' bit) but please, let's fully appreciate the danger of wrong
thinking on the one hand, and the freedom of biblical perspective
on the other.
By definition, what God has for each of us in every area of life
must be so much better than the options offered to us by the world.
Quick fixes? Not part of God's vocabulary: Lasting joy? You bet.
Footnotes:
1 From the film "Love Story" which
says "love means never having to say you're sorry"
2 Al hsu, the Single Issue, p.76
3 Message translation
Return to top
|
