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Women, it seems, are rising up against the
supposition that they can do it all, have it all, and still
come out smiling. Since the social revolution of the 1960s
and the encouragement of women to compete against, and win
over, men in the workplace there has been an enormous pressure
on girls to find their definition outside the home.
Now, a new survey has revealed that whilst a third of female
workers are now earning more than their male partners many
of them are fed up with the pressures that come with that.
Of the 5,000 working women in Britain surveyed for the BUPA
and Top Santé poll nine in 10 said that they were worn
out with the demands of work and home while 94 per cent said
that they were sick of famous female "can-do-all"
role models.
"Superwoman-type role models aren't at all helpful to
ordinary working women with families who don't have an army
of people from nannies, personal secretaries, cleaners and
hairdressers to support them," commented Juliette Kellow,
editor of Top Santé. "Working women are heartily
sick of them."
Women do enjoy working - 70 per cent said they would enjoy
it if that was all they did - but the expectation to perform
in too many roles can be too much. Only 20 per cent of women
said they would choose to be a full-time career woman and
only 11 per cent of those with children under-five said they
would choose to work full-time.
Those surveyed had an average age of 37 and average salary
of £19,600 and said they also felt that women were following
the men in the office by working later and later into the
evening.
Both men and women face a challenge of when to draw the line
in the office and leave to make the supper, put the children
to bed and spend time with their spouse. Indeed, Rob Parsons'
recent book The Heart of Success
(Hodder and Stoughton) focuses on helping men find that balance.
As we continue our series on changing social patterns, however,
this article will look at women's role in the workplace and
home.
A storm brewed last month when Sylvia Ann Hewlett, a Welsh
economist who has written many books since moving to America,
dared to suggest that work was denying many women the opportunity
of motherhood. Her book Baby Hunger (Atlantic, £10.99)
reveals that nearly half of all highly educated, high-earning
women are childless. The more successful the woman, the less
likely it is that she will have children, Sylvia's research
into thousands of women showed, whereas for men the reverse
is true. The more professional success and status a man enjoys,
the more likely it is that he will be married with children.
The book tells moving stories of how women focused solely
on finding their identity in the likes of banking and law,
before waking up in their late 30s to realise that all the
men were married. Or that even if the men were technically
available many were not interested in having an over-powering
career woman as a wife. Tamara Adler, 43, managing director
of Deutsche Bank in London described it as competing for oxygen
in the higher altitudes of top careers.
"The hard fact is that most successful men are not interested
in acquiring a peer as a partner. Another high-altitude mountaineer
might be enormously stimulating, but can she be relied on
to pony up oxygen on a regular basis?
"Probably not. Familiarity really does breed contempt.
It's hard to say, 'Wow!' and look adoring if you are in the
throes of a similar career struggle. You are much more likely
to see the warts and the glitches. Besides which, you have
your own urgent need for oxygen, and yearn to be pampered
and coddled in your own right."
According to James Tooley, Professor of Education Policy at
the University of Newcastle upon Tyne, part of the blame for
this struggle between men and women should be laid at the
foot of Western education policy. In his latest book The Miseducation
of Women (Continuum £14.99) he argues that girls have
been part of a project to treat them as identical to boys
ever since the 1960s.
Whilst acknowledging that children of both sexes should be
given equal opportunities at school he suggests that biological
differences should be given more credence. Girls are thriving
under a school system that treats them equally - getting higher
exam results that boys, for example, but struggle when they
hit the infamous Bridget Jones age of late 20s and wonder
whether they should continue their career or take a side track
to allow for family.
"An injustice is being perpetrated," Tooley argues.
Using feminist writer Naomi Wolf as an example, for she struggled
after the birth of her first child, Tooley writes: "Their
education has led women of her generation to come up against
life's realities singularly unprepared for all that lay before
them, in pregnancy and motherhood. Women of her generation
seem singularly unprepared for all that it entails in being
a woman."
Rather than celebrate the workplace over the home Tooley believes
society should re-think both for men and women and place greater
value on being a whole and rounded person.
Which is exactly what Ann Coles, on the leadership team of
New Wine, tries to encourage with those leaders' wives who
come away on retreat.
"They can feel the pressure almost more than their contemporaries,"
Ann commented. "I am aware that we can actually heal
the guilt burden on to Christian women, expecting them to
run a home and a job and bring up exemplary children at the
same time."
Society is "devaluing motherhood" Ann commented,
and asked that the church lead the way in making children
a real priority. "I would applaud any mother or father
who ups and offs from one church in order to step into another
for the sake of their children - to look for a church where
your children are happy and spiritually fed is a laudable
thing."
Since Old Testament times wives have been expected to both
work hard, provide a home, and be close to God, and the epitome
of the wife of noble character, as depicted in Proverbs 21.
"She gets up whilst it is still dark, she provides food
for her family … she watches over the affairs of her
household and does not eat the bread of idleness" it
states; "she brings her husband good, not harm, all the
days of life".
"Finding a place of quiet is fairly important,"
comments Ann, who acknowledges how difficult this, can be
for mothers. "It is a case of re-prioritising every now
and then. Life's stresses change and you need to do a constant
re-evaluation."
And for those Christian women who would love to be in a marriage,
Jackie Elton of Christian Connections, Christian online dating
agency suggests that churches need to be sensitive and treat
everyone as part of the Christian family.
"Ultimately it would be great if everybody saw their
identity as a child of God, not in their career, or marriage,
or home. We do forget about that too easily, and need to remember
that in God's eyes there is absolutely no difference between
us at all."
Claire Shelley is news editor at the Church
of England Newspaper and managing editor of CounterCulture.
email: claireshelley76@hotmail.com
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