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In 1967, the law in the UK changed allowing, in
effect, abortion on demand. At the same time the number of baby
adoptions dramatically decreased and single parenting became more
socially acceptable. There are now more than 500 abortions every
day and less than 300 baby adoptions per year.
There are so many myths in our society about adoption. Some believe
that no caring mother would ever consider "giving her child
away"; others think that couples adoption could never love
a child as much as the birth parents and that the children themselves
would suffer from being adopted.
Every day we see women at the 150 pregnancy crisis centres affiliated
to CARE who are struggling with the crisis of an unexpected pregnancy.
Many feel unable to parent but adoption is not even considered.
It seems abortion is their only choice.
Last year the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists
said there are no psychological effects after abortion. Our experience
tells a different story. We see women struggle with their abortion
experience for years. Whilst some initially feel relief after an
abortion, others wake from the anaesthetic distraught at the realisation
of what has occurred. Painful feelings of guilt, shame, anger and
grief are sometimes pushed down only to resurface later.
Having had an abortion as a young woman, Jane kept her feelings
skilfully hidden until her son reached his teens and she could no
longer watch over him all the time. She was terrified that something
awful would happen to him and though this would be punishment for
her abortion. She had never before expressed these feelings of unresolved
built. Suffering from depression, Jane also suffered marriage problems
as her husband became increasingly frustrated with her irrational
behaviour.
Yet Jane's abortion would be recorded as one with no last effect.
She says that if she had been helped to consider adoption she would
have been able to provide her child with a family and have peace
that she had done the very best she could.
God wants every child to be conceived by parents in a loving and
committed relationship as defined by marriage. But where that doesn't
happen we need a redemption plan - it could be adoption. Adoption
is, after all, a metaphor that God uses to describe our new relationship
with him. It is not second best. Psalm 139 says that all our days
are planned before we are even born. For some birth mothers and
their babies, adoption could be part of that plan.
A pregnant teenager, frightened, confused and depressed had tried
to keep the pregnancy a secret but had eventually told her mum.
Together they came to one of our centres. She later wrote: "You
sat and listened to me, my story and concerns. You advised me, discussed
options and were just there for me in my time of need." The
centre worker was able to support her whilst they saw a social worker
regarding adoption. She had a daughter and says, "I am so glad
that I never gave in to the people who wanted me to abort. I lover
her so dearly. She is now with a couple who have become a complete
family. They truly love her and can give her what I could not. Its
not been easy but I know I have done the right thing."
Adoption is never an easy choice because it involved pain and sacrifice
as the mother puts her child first. The decision should always be
based on internal values and never purely on external circumstances.
At the centres we want to give her the opportunity to explore all
her options and come to her own informed decision.
It is so hard for a woman to even consider adoption when our society
is so against it. One young woman said she could tell her friends
that she had had an abortion but she could never say that she had
placed her child for adoption. A survey published by the Daily Mail
revealed that teenagers believe adoption to be "a worse evil
than abortion". We live in an age where many believe that the
right decision is the one that makes you happy and that if a choice
causes pain, it must be the wrong one. Many decide to abortion in
the belief that they will avoid pain. How grateful we are that Jesus
endured pain for our redemption! We can support those birth mothers
who choose to embrace pain in order to give their children life.
At CARE we are working towards seeing adoption reflect God's heart
for the birth mother, child and couple adopting. We long to see
adoption handled in such a way that it reveals a prophetic picture
of our own adoption by the Father as his chosen child.
Freephone national helpline CAREconfidential
0800 028 2228
Joanna Thompson is national director of CARE
Centres Network
Joanna.thompson@care.org.uk
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